My H.O.M.E

O nadan parinde ghar ajja…I hear this song from Rockstar and it makes me ponder over what it means to be “At Home”

We had been like nomads wandering across lot of states within India, changing houses, changing friends, changing schools and I realize how much did I lost in terms of having a deep rooted relationship with some school friends. Growing up together would have been so much fun, but nevertheless it also helped me develop a quality of being adjusted to every new surroundings and exploring the new opportunities coming my way.

But as of now, I am going through a very different feeling. It’s the feeling of achievement, satisfaction and completion. I have my own flat and that’s why I had been running around helter scelter to make my new flat look as Home. Not that it’s in a very posh area, neither it’s too great, but what makes it special is that it belongs to me.

It’s a sense of achievement as when I am entering that place for which a heavy chunk is deducted every month from my hard earned money. There was a great sense of satisfaction when I was mopping the floor, as if I was actually taking a complete feel of my triumph. This actually goes as a beautiful gift to my creators who have developed me to reach so far. They mean everything to me and what a child can feel when he becomes capable of giving a shelter to his parents. It’s just a feeling of completion.

But honestly speaking I already know that even though this place belongs to me but I belong to somewhere else. My actual home is still waiting for me to explore and give my best of whatever I have and learn to develop more skills to make it the most beautiful home ever…My home!

It’s time for the next cycle to start, a new beginning, a new life to be discovered. I believe I am ready.

Anticipating that this year will offer me an opportunity to be in my REAL home. :)

Welcome 2012, Welcome HOME!

O nadan parinde ghar ajja….

Tomorrow!!

This word brings more of anticipation, hope, confusion and anxiety. Sometimes there is some kind of turmoil which occupies my mind and just doesn’t leave me until am completely drained off.

In general, everyone says.. live for today, what if there is no tomorrow, life is being in the moment then why does it happen that we keep disturbing ourselves thinking about “what next”

Honestly ...what is next?

Am I gonna be the same person as I was, or someone better or someone worse...I have no idea. As I see around I keep pondering over why we look for some sort of escape upon not to face “what next”. Hands tremble, heart beats faster as you try to avoid facing it…relentlessly. The so called ‘Next’ can be better, best or worst. Whatever it may be, it’s gonna be yours cause it’s you had been shaping it in the past then why resist it now? Resistance will hurt like water gets shattered when it hits the barrier but is always calm when you allow it to flow.

On the contrary, the mystery of something that is already chosen, something that is already meant for will be revealed in ‘what next’. The point is even though it seems like dark cave, even though there is no light, even though nothing is clear, even though you are scared you gotta keep moving.

All that I feel is what we have lived so far is gone and what’s coming is life. I am with you only till tomorrow and I wish to say this every passing day until there is no tomorrow. For me life is living with you until next day. Just one more day.

K.I.T.E.S

Whenever I am driving my bike (to be specific Scooty Pep) random thoughts always occupy my mind and inspire me to relate to real life.

It’s so beautiful to see the colorful kites in the sky, and more importantly when you are controlling it. You allow it to fly high and direct the angles skillfully to ensure that it looks the best….but what would a kite be feeling when it’s high on air, flying against the gravity. It doesn’t want to compete but it just wants to go with the flow of the air balancing with the intentions of the one who is controlling it. How much so ever it is high, but it already knows where it belongs to. Its ability to fly high is directly proportional to its possessor happiness.  But there are times when it gets disconnected and wanders around like a nomad, some may reach the ground or get stuck somewhere on trees, poles or wherever they can hang on. Some get stuck forever and sometimes they are found by someone who will mend them and prepare them to feel the air.

Isn’t this related to life? In one way or the other we all behave like kites. The desire of flying high is natural, but understanding & realizing the fact we still belong to the ground doesn’t come naturally. How much so ever one is achieving heights, we still need to balance the flow of success with the basic fundamentals. It’s because of these cemented principles that we get the energy to fly against the gravity. There is actually no competition, the point is to balance. There are at times when we are disconnected from our actual self and that’s where we understand the intensity of the gravitational force. Some get stuck forever, and sometimes there would be one who would pick you, heal you and make you realize “Tomorrow is going to be a new day for you”. They remove the curtains, open the windows and make you see the rising sun. I name that person as a friend, who reconnects you to yourself, lifts you and pushes you to fly once again.

I would say, I am one of the blessed kites :)

MANIPULATION

Facts and Truth seems to be synonyms of each other but somehow I see a fine difference. A manipulated fact is equal to truth. Fact may be anything, but what is seen or perceived is the truth. Fact is more objectively measurable and truth is more subjective. The point is truth has different versions, whichever you pick to visualize becomes the reality through your eyes.

This is very much ingrained in nature itself. Like the sky isn't blue, only the scattering of the blue light absorbed by the atmosphere makes it appear so; the moon doesn't rise in the night; and the house we live in is not stationary, but rotates along with the earth. Essentially, we see, hear and process what we can and not what reality is.

Like it’s been said “Honesty is the best policy”, what is honesty? A fact or a truth. When you are conveying a truth, what is it perceived as? You never know. Generally when one of the most important fundamental is taught to a child by saying God always helps those who has the courage to speak the truth. Then why it happens that a direct & transparent person is generally punished, why so many of them starts having grudge against that person, why he comes in the category of offensive?

The thing is what humans say, what they mean and what actually is perceived is completely different. They will only heed what they are capable of understanding, rest everything holds false. So, doesn’t this mean that a fact has to be manipulated every time to get your ways? Even in Mahabharata, Krishna had manipulated every fact in such way that Pandavas even being in minority were capable of winning the battle. It wasn’t winning good over bad, I see as Intellect winning over Emotions. It is the human’s intellect that has the capability to channelize the untamed emotions. It’s not grouse to have negative emotions, but the incapability to tame them is.

And somehow I have started realizing that Universe actually conspires to help those who actually go ahead to manipulate the circumstances to make it happen, because its only then you realize that you want it so badly. Otherwise, one can always be happy just being aware of the fact.

Not sure if this is making any sense, but it definitely motivates me to be more truthful rather than being factual :)

IMPRESSION

Interesting!! I am actually enjoying this phase. A Nobuddy had actually made me ponder over an aspect of human emotion…Impression

In a way we all are trying to impress someone or the other. Lemme put my experience. As a child I tried hard to impress my mother with good grades and in return she would impress her so called social butterflies which she perceived as friends & relatives. When I grew up, I was trying to impress guys to get noticed, now that I am working (Yes!! I do that part time when I wanna take a break from illogical thinking) I want to impress my seniors so that they notice that how hard working I am and how much I have contributed to the organization and blah blah….Why are we doing this? Obviously not just like that. We expect something in return….Appreciation! 

It’s like you always wanna hear an echo, a response, a feedback. You wanna see yourself from others perspective and judge self’s hit ratio. But the question is why do we always look for appreciation, why are we forever in a spree of impressing others? Does that define your success or you being famous? Does that really offers pleasure? Or does that actually makes you feel ACCEPTED?

Today I saw an old couple waiting for their son to pick them up. The old man was in white lungi and shirt. The old woman was in cotton saare with a small pig tail. Her teeth would collapse anytime when she opened her mouth to speak. But the way they were conserving with each other was with so much respect and dignity that I could not resist smiling at them. At this point of time when your one leg is almost cemented in graveyard…there is nothing much you can expect from remaining life and you are desperately waiting to have a new beginning. You are with a person who can actually predict the blinking of your eyes, count your breaths on fingers but has branched you off from the arena of right – wrong. In short you are been accepted just the way you are with no expectations of CHANGE. 

I somehow feel that it is only possible when you start choosing yourself to be accepted without any guilt or obligation, its only then you get the courage to do the same for others. At the end of it, even if you shout at the peak of your voice, the response in the form of Echo is again your voice…your own voice.  

The making of W.I.N.G.S

My morning goes perfect when I sit on my window pane conversing with my flora. I started off with one plant, hoping that it would survive in my company and now I have my entire window pane filled with colors. They not only make me smile but they have invited others to join their family…the pigeons, sparrows, crows, humming bird and the recent one caterpillar..I named her Butterwalk.

Butterwalk is very lazy; she takes an entire day to go from one branch to the other. But she is magnificently beautiful and talented. Today when I noticed she has stitched three leaves around her and has started weaving threads around. In some days she would be resting in cocoon, preparing herself to face the blue sky and big big world. I am wondering what she must be feeling being a cocoon which she is creating for herself to be protected from rest of the world. Is she dreaming or analyzing how to face the world? What is she doing inside?

Honestly speaking…I feel she is just copying me, rather following the nature’s directions. Sometimes when nothing seems to be all right, or we are just not able to understand the logical part of the worldly games, we start making a cocoon around us. It’s warm and it’s our world… rather a fantasized world where everything is just the way we want to see it. But this is time to groom ourselves, prepare ourselves to face the reality with is new vision…with a new perspective…YOUR perspective.

There would be thousands of free suggestions pouring, it feels like you are driving on an empty road of Cerrapungee in its expected weather conditions and there...you can’t see what’s next even with the wipers on. At this point of time, I found a technique of make myself aloof and going within a shell to do two things. First to destroy whatever is created and second to create afresh with new vigor, new strategy and there starts the journey of new ME moving out of the shell to reveal the real virtues. But this is not the one who has changed from what she was, she has just learnt to adapt with a new approach with a willing compromise wherever necessary.

So I hope see my Butterwalk soon becoming a Butterfly…flapping her wings and going far away to feel what it means to be free, to discover, to invent, to experiment and also learn to adapt wherever she goes.

I remember a song from Miley Cyrus, which I have well thought to keep as a lullaby for my children before they enter their dream land. Now a days this is for Butterwalk.. :)

Caterpillar in the tree

How you wonder who you’ll be,

Can’t go far but you can always dream

Wish you may and wish you might

Don’t you worry hold on tight

I promise you there will come a day

Butterfly fly away!!

C.H.O.I.C.E

There is always a choice…this is what been said often. When I am actually pondering over, I realize that there is no choice what so ever. If you always had a choice why are we choosing the one which we chose?

Choices are the illusion that we have created where we can go to our fantasy land and conduct a “what if analysis”. In real, every time that we decide, we are making it as if there was no choice and that’s how it is. Either its black or white. You chose black there is no question of why didn’t you choose white?

Predictions and analysis are all the hypothetical creation of human mind where you are allowing yourself to prove a reason for choosing this possibility. Everything around is a possibility. Every experience, every moment, every thought generated is a possibility. It will pave a path to help you reach your defined objective or destined objective. The destination again is just a frame of mind and it cannot be chosen, as it is a forever search of a soul to reach infinity.

Choices and possibilities are interconnected. You make a choice and you explore a new environment of that opportunity. But when decide upon an option, we are choosing what is meant for us and not what we are suppose to.

There is a driving force which pushes you to opt however illogical it may sound. It’s your subconscious self that has already chosen the path and you just keep following it which is beyond logical reasoning.

The point is there are some questions whose answers are hidden in the choices that we are imposed to make. So let it flow, let it go, let it show the true virtue of your existence.

 So do you think you still have a choice??

Aborted after Birth!

There had been incidences in career / society oriented couples lives that their child becomes a second priority. They keep justifying their point of view, but not realizing that what goes into the mind of their child when he hears them. Every child may not be able to express but they definitely can understand whats going on in their family. Addressing the dark corner of the world where everything is manipulated to be perfect.

This is a situation of a little girl who has locked herself in a room & is in her deep thoughts. Her parents have trouble being with each other and considered that the child is a result of a mistake. She keeps listening to them and there is flow of random thoughts which occupied her little mind.


Sitting beside the window staring at the stars
Wondering how do they twinkle and why are they so far

Sometimes I feel like being one of them, away from this world
I may have to sleep forever, as my grand mom told

Can I make these gems my family, as I see no one near
They are busy creating themselves, fighting their fears

Why are they so loud, why do they see enemy in each other
Can they ever forgive being friends and still be together?

I don’t know how & why I came into their life
Are they trying to be parents or compromised husband - wife

What is their relation, it’s hard to understand
Are they fighting for me or for their own stand?

I still believe that the world is beautiful as I see from this window
But I guess, I have to embrace the light and give up my shadow

I am not sure if they can understand me
All that I want is to be free….

And she goes ahead to feel the gravity of the ground so that she can reach the stars.

Whats Ur T.I.M.E?

I had just come back from work and was chatting with one of my good friends, and we started the conversation as “I am getting so bored”. That’s where I kept pondering what’s wrong with me, how much so ever I do, why the feeling of contentment never seep within and my mind kept wandering around searching for words in my vocabulary to express.


So..here it goes….



Sometimes I wonder once I am home, why I keep counting the moments.
Haven’t I done enough for the day? Wasn’t it significant?

The sensation of being dissatisfied keeps coming back to me every time
I keep wondering what is missing that would make me fine

The endless wish list keeps haunting me at night
I am so tired seeing my heart and mind at constant fight

Should I wait anticipating that something great would happen?
Or should I grab the time and make it happen?

Completely aware that I am capable of either of the options
But I would prefer to keep that “Anticipation” part for adoption

There is so much to complete to justify to my actual desires
Feel like challenging time not to dictate upon when I should retire

The more I waste, the more I still have in my hand
But it doesn’t define the phase when I would leave this land

I give you my W.O.R.D

Humans being the most intellectual ones in living beings, we have the capability to weave our thread like thoughts to give a shape known as word. It is the smallest free form in a language, but becomes a complicated form when it starts loitering around.


Every generation has its own perception towards it. An era when our land used to be dictated by the Kings, they firmly used to believe in “Pran jaye par vachan na jaye”, which means that I would die but not alter the word that I had given. In those days keeping a word was like an unobligated devotion towards self, taking an ownership for maintaining self respect, a deep care upon other’s feeling, sacrifice with dignity. Sometimes the unspoken words would lead to lifelong promise between a couple. On the contrary it was also a different ball game in that rigid atmosphere, where expression of feelings on the path of “Love Marriage” was just unacceptable. The fear of consequences forced them wrap their emotions and preserve them as mummies.

Coming back to this era’s bubble gum generation, commitment is as per convenience. The feeling of trusting someone is diluting as you never know when the person may retaliate and say “I never meant that”. Diplomacy, manipulation and playing around with words have become a new way to climb the ladder of success. Without understanding or experiencing the true essence, commitment is perceived as an obligation, a cage where you are stuck forever with no escape. The fear of being transparent is becoming so obvious that the sensation of coming to a dead end dominates the cluttered and impatient mind, which motivates to choose a convenient option - “Break up”. There is always a lame excuse followed by “After all who cares”. This generation is lacking the patience to enjoy the sweetness of being committed which only comes after tasting the bitter part. Everyone in this Gen – X would say they are different, with their “X” factor compromised.

Every generation has something in common …Challenges. If the previous gen had challenge of expressing then this gen is having a challenge of accepting, if that gen had challenge of making a decision then this gen has challenge of maintaining the decision, if that gen had challenge of getting along with rigid superstitious principles then this gen has a challenge of having a principle. The comparison list is endless…

Can we imagine how the coming Gen - Y would be in terms of commitment? I see this word coming in the category of extinct species especially in the relationship shared by humans known as a MAN & WOMAN. Like we have sanctuaries to conserve “would be extinct” animal species, we also need to do something to conserve the essence of this emotion.

No generations can be compared, and we cannot go back to our older generation to rectify them. The best possible way is to learn from the mistakes of our older generation & to grab those essential ingredients to cement our own fundamentals of being a simple yet efficient human.

Let’s not see word as a MS office tool, its much beyond that.
Respect your own words…Respect yourself.

Cricket

My new found interest in this game had tickled my grey cells to ponder. It’s really hard to believe that I am actually taking interest in this game. Well, there is always a first time. Though I am completely naïve upon the particulars of this game as a spectator, I am still struggling to understand and catch up the excitement.

Its complete fun to watch how World Cup turns every Indian to sync up at one level and cheer aloud with only one motive to WIN and bring that CUP home.

The world cup will end by 2^nd April and IPL starting by 8^th April, our so called united country will be again divided cheering for their cities. From India…India..I will go Pune…Pune.

What an irony, World CUP united the country and IPL will divide it.

Man!! This game has some capacity to turn a group of brainy human looking Indians to a flock of brainless, excited and emotional chickens who try hard to fly …but alas after the BIG GAME is over they are back to their gambling of so called monotonous life. Guess this game give them a sense extended orgasm :P

I wish there had been some other motive also which could make this country men feel united and get their energy level in sync to create something worthwhile. 

Wishing TEAM India “All the Best” for its finals. However they perform I shall still be proud of this spectacular team which had held every Indian’s heart beat and given so much to cherish upon World Cup 2011.


2nd April'11 (After winning the BIG GAME)
 When India actually started batting, seeing Sachin & Sehwag going out of the game soon, almost everyone started hoping that we may loose. But somehow, the gut feeling said "We still have the rest of the team. It doesnt matter how it started, but it will matter how it ended".


Keeping my faith high upon my gut feeling and also seeing that the team was too focused, I forced myself to see the complete match. I would say this is for the first that I was glued to the TV set for a circket match for sooo long, but it was worth watching. Our team has prooved that we too have the caliber to take the pressure and perform flawlessly.


Though Sachin T could not perform his best, but we cannot forget that it was becuase of his best performances in the previous matched that we had come so far.


The best take away for me is "Trust your GUT feeling, sometimes its actually right"
So I am still cheering...Indiaaaaaa....Indiaaaaaa!!!!
World CUP...After 28 years...Welcome back :)