It’s been a Decade

2000…was the year when I had first landed in Pune with an intention to create something out of self. I had always been brought up in cocoon like colony where everything was extremely convenient. I was born with the wheels in my little legs. Had been travelled across the country and I always kept wondering “what next”. But the feeling diminished when my feet were grounded to this city and it’s been 10 years that I had been surviving and living.



Where should I start to say something about this city? Right from the day when I was standing in a queue for my college admission till today when I am standing in the queue to pay my bills; the journey had been quite exciting. From the feeling of being alone after the first heart break in college to the feeling of unaccompanied yet firm with self, there had been some amount of change in perception.


The initial years started with the breakfast having wada pavs, as it being cheapest edible thing available. Shopping was meant to be done only during “Sale” season and rest of the time window shopping. Watching movies in any theatre and always on first or second row. That tapri ki chai & 1 samosa being shared. That whole gang walking in the entire city whole night during ganapati and new years eve. That small fights amongst friends & later colleagues which would make me cry whole night. That cribbing upon the lecturers & later those ever demanding bosses. Those betrayals of unwanted friends and colleagues. That humiliation at work & mental stress. That running behind the local, falling asleep standing at the door holding the pole. That forever fight of balancing the work and personal life..


But all this struggle had pushed me from that timid “I can’t” girl to intrepid “I can” woman; from having that rigid conservative thinking to flexible liberal thoughts; taking me from that simple salwar suit chap behenji to smart attire professional; from that forever cribbing “what the Fcuk” to “let me see what can be done” attitude; from that “I don’t mind taking the stress” to “I won’t allow”; from that dependent to being Independent. I had been pushed to be an INDIVIDUAL.


This city had given a lot in various forms; you call it stress, unfaithfulness, challenges, diplomacy. And on the contrary I also have loyal friends, bonded family, a perfect home & an ever demanding job.


Though this city has unruly traffic, potholed roads, weirdly growing infrastructure… I call this city “my home” as it had given me enough to breathe with dignity.


I owe something back to this place. Not sure what, still pondering…

Relationships!

Relationships…we HUMANS have a mysterious way of establishing it whatever comes in our sight. From the time we are conceived till out last breadth we keep on swinging & balancing this invisible web around us. Imagine if relationships can actually be seen as strings, don’t you think the earth will start feeling claustrophobic 



We have special means to celebrate relationships by dedicating a day like Valentines day, Friendship’s day, Mother’s day, Father’s day, Sibling’s day etc etc, but when I sit alone at my window in solitude I wonder why don’t we celebrate the relationship that we share within ourselves. Why do we keep on seeking everything from others, why are we so dependent emotionally upon others that their attitude keep on wavering my energy?


The question comes “Do I share a relation with self? Am I allowed to think that way? Am I being selfish?”


The more I started thinking & understanding self; the world around me started teasing me being self-interested. But that’s how it is. The most ironic part is we keep being a part of other’s lives not evening knowing how well balanced we are in our life. There is no one who can understand your situation better than you, absolutely NO ONE.


There is no intention of promoting rebel attitude, but in real to stand unaltered … just being yourself without expecting others to like you. It’s like offering a hand to self and a word of being there in all thick and thins. It’s like listening to self, being nice and compassionate, allowing self to voice the most stupid thoughts. In simple words…Being a FRIEND to that indecisive, confused, agitated, angry ME.


Day after day, step after step …there is another climb, another steep. Though being defeated, thrashed, & humiliated several times you still will be alive and breathing with a bright smile and that is only possible when you have contented self connection.


Like our elders used to say “Alone I came in this world and Alone I shall leave”, I always used to laugh upon this being ignorant upon what it truly means. Seeing everything as an illusion, I seek an extreme desire to establish a bond with myself. Because I wanna survive, I wanna embark, I have miles to walk and lots to do before I actually sleep.