No Adjectives Attached!

Oh! I am feeling so blissful. Damn! I am feeling so miserable. I am feeling so scared. I am elated. I am feeling this or sometimes that. These feelings keep on varying my energy levels according to their will.



Feeling happy drives me with zest and enthusiasm and on the other hand feeling gloomy drains me out feeling completely useless. After all I am a Human driven by emotions.


Is there not a way that my energy is not driven by emotions or feelings? I mean I allow them to just exist within me but I keep moving ahead like a constant energy.


Is this what is known as Nirvana? Is this the reason for that unwavering smile on Gautam Budha, Jesus Christ, Sai Baba’s face?


I have no idea. But I wanna give justice to what I feel. I don’t wanna ignore, force or manipulate them…I just wanna accept them as a part of nature, destiny, universe. Rather a part of Me.


I don’t wanna attach any adjectives like good, bad, better, worst as I wanna bring every feeling to the same level and release them as I would release a bird from the cage to fly far away and never expecting it to return.


I guess, that’s how one reaches a stage of being FREE...truly free from WITHIN.


I never realized the true meaning when I choose the title of this blog as “Freedom is within”, but now it’s getting clear.


Day after day, step after step …there is another climb, another steep. Though being defeated, thrashed, & humiliated several times, I am still alive and breathing with a bright smile. May be an appropriate word that the world would choose to address is “Survivor”, but I feel something special about self which is not yet defined. I guess “A word” is still in the process of being created!!

And the story continues...

With an end of 2010 year, I feel so satisfied that finally this dramatic year has gone. Though I have no clue upon what 2011 has to offer me, but I am too excited to be in this decade. I am not sure why, but the excitement is way too much to actually express in words.


2010 started at a very bad note, but ended at a very good note. 31st Dec 2010 was like the most exciting day and night in the entire year. I wasn’t so happy for the entire year as much I was on this day.


However the time might have come, I saw something within me being so strong that kept me alive. As many ups and downs I was experiencing there was always a solution I could see. I saw that everything doesn’t come to you at the time you want it. Everything has its own time, as in everything around me so alive and has its own way of unfolding. Grief, happiness, regret, guilt … I see them separately as different individuals and they come to my life conspiring amongst themselves, as if there is a different plan which is much bigger and better than mine. Every time there are certain challenges or friction around, I keep aping these individuals thinking that this is how I am being made of. I keep changing roles just like an actor. I feel being in the role of gloomy, cheerful, resentful, attractive striking etc.

When I ask myself, if these are just different characters that I keep changing as a chameleon changing colors as per the surroundings then what is my actual self made of??? I feel myself being a puzzle which is again very exciting to solve and I guess I shall keep unfolding my virtues each time that I keep growing. I feel an extreme delight in growing old. I am kind of enjoying the process of aging.


Will I ever be able to peel off those masks and have enough guts to reveal my real true self, I have no clue but knowing the unknown makes the journey even more fun and thrilling.


Let’s see what this universe has for me to offer in this new year…new decade…new era...

Welcome 2011!